Less Than Three
by The Lonely Goatherd
Summary: "She had thought about it.  What it would be like.  To never look back.  To buy a one way ticket." Arizona begins to make a return trip to Malawi.  Set before 7x17 Callie/Arizona.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**Summary: **"She had thought about it. What it would be like. To buy a one way ticket. To never look back." Arizona begins to make a return trip to Malawi.

**Author's Note: **I know we're well past the baby drama of this kind, but I wrote this awhile ago and didn't get a chance to post it. Arizona told the Chief she would return to Malawi every two months for three years and we've yet to see that on the show, and it's something I would definitely love to see. So my mind went to work. Please enjoy.

**Less Than Three-  
><strong>**-A Story**

Arizona Robbins stared at the suitcase.

She had thought about it. What it would be like.

To never look back.

To stay.

To buy a one way ticket.

Two months had passed and Arizona was preparing to make her way back to Malawi, just as she had promised she would upon abandoning her work to return home.

To return to the woman she loved.

Arizona sighed.

It was her second time making this supervising trip and a flutter of emotions were sending her heart and mind into a frenzied mess.

Her first return trip had been one of trepidation. Neither she nor Callie had been ready or willing to part. They had just begun to get back their life together. They had fully moved into their apartment. The joy of being able to return to work at Seattle Grace-Mercy West had been a thrill Arizona had been anticipating the moment she accepted the grant.

And though highly unexpected, the thought of becoming a mother was the greatest joy Arizona had never thought she wanted.

She hadn't wanted to leave then. Life was falling into place. Slowly but surely. Life was becoming what she wanted it to be.

But now, two months later, Arizona could not help but feel anticipation at being able to leave. At being able to run, just for a few days.

Just being able to run far, far away.

The situation she had returned to was less than perfect. She had known that from the moment she had told Callie that she was in. But with each passing day the less than perfect became less and less. The enormity and difficulty of their situation was beginning to sink in and it seemed that Arizona was the only one who saw the toll it was taking.

While Callie and Mark took the idea of co-parenting head on, Arizona felt herself fluttering.

Drowning.

Callie and Mark were taking their ease of friendship and molding it into something that Arizona both admired and despised. It was hard for any two people to raise a baby together without being in a relationship. But the two seemed to be taking it in stride. And it made Arizona feel like the piece that didn't fit.

When Callie craved and Arizona suggested pickles, the Latina would scrunch her nose. When Mark suggested ice cream, she begged for two pounds of it. When Arizona suggested that a nap would help Callie's growing fatigue, the pregnant woman would do nothing but insist that Mark give her a foot rub.

With every suggestion Arizona came up short and it was nothing but frustrating.

She could feel the change happening within herself. Her frustration becoming something of a constant. And it was beginning to manifest itself outwardly. Particularly in the form of arguing with Mark about the smallest of things. They had always had a push and pull relationship. But the shift in their relationship had worsened their disconnect; throwing Callie in the middle of a whirlwind of arguments. And all of it only fueled Arizona's frustrations further.

Yes, she was beginning to feel the change within herself.

And, she knew, Callie was beginning to see its manifestation as well.

With each passing day, Arizona knew that she and her girlfriend were drifting farther apart. She could see the looks of sorrow each time Callie chose a suggestion of Mark's over her own. She knew she shouldn't blame the woman; she knew what was right for her body and baby.

But, Arizona selfishly thought, it just wasn't enough.

Yes, Arizona looked forward to her brief trip to Malawi.

To find fresh air and space and to, hopefully, return to Seattle with a renewed sense of self and sanity. If only to save her relationship; one, she felt, she was slowly getting lost in.

They said distance made the heart grow fonder and Arizona already knew it to be true. She couldn't help but find irony in her want to return to Malawi.

It was the root of all their current problems. And, it seemed now, to be their only saving grace.

Arizona sighed, wiping a dry tear of frustration from her cheek.

She grabbed her suitcase from the closest and turned, tossing it on the bed with little care.

"Hey."

Arizona looked up to see Callie leaning against the door frame of their bedroom, a tentative smile on her lips; her hand resting gently on the swell of her belly.

And Arizona could not help but smile.

"Hey," she responded quietly. "How was work?"

Callie shrugged. "Same old, same old. What are you up to?" She asked, walking into the room and sitting on the bed, letting out a contented sigh as she relieved her feet of the pressure they had been enduring all day.

"Packing."

"I thought your flight wasn't until Thursday."

"It isn't. But I just-."

"Didn't want to leave anything until the last minute?" Callie asked and the two shared a smirk of amusement.

Even after all their time together, Callie still liked to tease Arizona for her overly-prepared nature; something Arizona attributed to her days growing up with a Colonel as a father.

"Something like that."

Callie laughed as Arizona impishly made a show of retrieving another bag from the closet.

They fell into a contented silence and Arizona released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Despite their current difficulties, when they were alone Arizona felt a semblance of what life had been like. What she had expected to find when she returned from Malawi.

And though they only lasted minutes, the moments were breaths of fresh air.

Arizona turned once more, throwing the second bag onto the bed. "What?" She asked, upon seeing Callie once again staring at her; her head turned to the side, resembling something of a puppy.

At the acquisition, Callie's mouth twitched slightly and she looked to the floor; picking lightly at her pants.

"Calliope?" Arizona pressed again, reaching forward slightly and placing a hand on her shoulder. A familiar feeling sprang through her chest. It wasn't uncommon for her to endure slight panic about Callie and the baby when Callie looked anything less than happy.

"I wish you weren't going," Callie said, turning to look at Arizona with a sheepish smile, though fear danced in her eyes.

"Oh," Arizona responded quietly, her hand dropping as guilt took over her panic. Guilt, for all she wanted to do was go. "Right."

Callie's head snapped up once more at Arizona's less than enthusiastic agreement. "Right?" She asked, the fear seeping from her eyes and into her face.

Arizona knew she probably should have quelled Callie's fears about her leaving. But she was tired. Tired of pretending to feel any other way than she currently was.

Tired.

And yet, the non-selfish part of her knew that she needed to make sure Callie knew that she had no reason to worry. That she would be returning. That nothing, not even Malawi, would keep her away for more than five days.

It was the truth, after all.

"I have to go, you know that," Arizona said slowly returning to her task of pulling items from the closet, trying to keep their conversation light. "I made a three year commitment I need to honor."

"A commitment you begrudgingly broke for me?"

Arizona turned to face Callie, moving faster than she had ever remembered; her eyes wide and her mouth hanging. "Callie-God. Please tell me that's the hormones talking."

Callie shook her head, "Maybe it is I just-." She shrugged. "I'm just trying to be honest. Something we promised we would be better at."

Arizona closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them again it was Callie's blatant vulnerability that stopped her, once again, building frustration. "I love you," she said quietly, genuinely-calmly. "And I'm in. One hundred percent. You have to know that by now."

"Then why do I get the feeling that you actually want to leave?"

_Because it's true_, a tiny voice in Arizona spoke and it took all her will power not to speak them. "Callie…" she opted for instead, though she knew not what her next words would be.

"You're not denying it."

"I'm not sure what you want me to say."

"I want you to be honest with me," Callie said, pushing herself off the bed and taking a few steps forward. "Something has been off with you lately. I'm worried about you."

"You think?" She asked, feeling her heart flutter at that mere thought that she hadn't been as invisible as she thought she was. And yet, now that it seemed she had an opportunity to speak her mind, she wanted to run away.

For, she knew, that she would rather quell Callie's fears than confront her own. And speaking her mind would result in nothing but Callie taking her words in the worst possible of ways.

She was a good man in a storm.

Callie huffed in frustration. "Don't play dumb, I'm not blind."

"There's really nothing to see," Arizona tried again, turning to resume packing.

"Arizona…"

"What?"

Callie shook her head, her fists balling at her sides. If there was one change in Callie that Arizona had noticed since her pregnancy it was that her passion flared far easier and with more gusto than before. "I'm trying to be honest with you and if you don't start doing the same we're never going to get anywhere."

"You don't think I know that?" Arizona asked, throwing a spare pair of scrubs into the suitcase.

"Then why won't you-."

"Because you won't like the answer," Arizona cut Callie off, her words heavy with a resigned truth.

"Try me."

Arizona brought her hands to her face, vigorously rubbing her eyes. This was not how she imaged their evening going.

"Fine," She said, and she heard Callie take in a slow, steadying breath in.

"I've thought about it," she started quietly, opening her eyes and locking hers with Callie's. "I've thought about what it would be like to leave."

Callie's face instantly dropped and Arizona's heart plunged. She hated herself but as she began to speak, the words began to fall faster and faster from her lips. There was no stopping them now.

"I've thought about what it would be like to get on that plane and tell you I'm never coming back. Or call you from the clinic and give you the news, because even though that would be the bitchy thing to do, I wouldn't have to see the pain I've caused you."

"You've—uh—thought about it," Callie nervously tried the words on her own lips, looking as if she were trying to suppress tears.

Arizona nodded.

"And do you—do you like the outcome of these thoughts?"

Arizona swallowed and shook her head. "I'm still here aren't I?"

Callie gave a nervous laugh.

Arizona took a small step forward. "I hate them, because those solutions don't involve you; so I will always come back." Callie nodded and Arizona could see some tension leave her body. "But I'm tired, Calliope."

Arizona felt something inside herself snap. A dam broke. Her heart rate seemed to speed and her breathing became labored. Tears pricked at her eyes. As days, weeks, months of frustrations and fears finally came to an unexpected head.

"I'm feeling so—so-." She paused and shook her hands up and down; trying to convey words she wasn't even sure she had a grasp on. "Stuck. I'm tired of Mark and of feeling like I have to play catch up. I'm tired of fighting to make my voice heard. I'm tired of fighting because-." Arizona trailed off, dropping her head; ashamed of her next thoughts and words but knowing they were, perhaps, the root of all of her problems.

"Because, sometimes I don't know what it is I'm fighting for anymore."

Slowly she looked up to see Callie's previous fear was replaced with confusion as she continued to stare at Arizona. Her brow was furrowed deep with concentration, her lips turned down. "W-w-what?"

Arizona shrugged and looked away again. "You said you wanted me to be honest," she sniffled.

Callie shook her head and Arizona wondered if the woman wanted to take back her "being honest" agreement. "You're fighting for us. We both are."

"Are we?" Arizona responded, folding her arms. Callie nodded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Because I'm not so sure, Calliope. It's been a long time since I've seen any reason to believe that."

"Arizona-."

"When was the last time you told me you loved me?"

At this question, Callie froze; her mouth agape slightly.

Arizona waited.

And they fell into silence.

She could see the gears turning as Callie thought of the last time she had spoken those words. But the gears turned and the seconds turned to minutes until, slowly, a red heat worked its way up Callie's neck and over her cheeks. Her head fell and a quiet "Oh" escaped her lips.

"It was the first night we spent together after I got back, the day we met Dr. Fields," Arizona started. And despite the solemnity of their situation neither could help the wistful smiles that pulled their lips as they recalled the rekindling of their physical relationship. "We were lying in bed and you said it right before you fell asleep."

Callie nodded. "I remember now."

"I've been back for four months, Calliope, and that was the last time you said it. Four months. So yes, some days I'm not quite sure what I'm fighting for. Not with that and certainly not with the constant presence of Mark in our lives."

They fell into silence again as Callie looked to Arizona, her face unreadable. Arizona shifted from one foot to another, wondering if she had said too much.

Though her chest did feel lighter than it had in days.

The silence was broken as Callie took two long strides forward before enveloping Arizona in the most encompassing hug that she could given the baby bump.

Arizona's eyes closed as she felt Callie place a light kiss just below her ear. "I'm not going to say it now," she whispered and Arizona felt her heart drop. She began to push away, but Callie held tighter, and Arizona was certain they had never been more meshed together; that they had never fit so perfectly before. "Because I want you to know I mean it when I say it," Callie continued, moving her lips to Arizona's jaw and placing another kiss on her skin. "Instead of just something you want to hear." Her lips moved to Arizona's cheek. "But you have to know that I do." The corner of her mouth.

Slowly, Callie's lips connected with hers and kissed her in a way that Arizona had never experienced before. And through her muddled mind, she thought that Callie would never have to speak those words again because there was no denying her devotion.

Not after this connection. This moment.

It never ceased to amaze her that Callie could convey so much emotion, so much meaning into gesture. Without the use of words.

It was one of the things she loved most about her.

They pulled back slightly and Callie rested her forehead against Arizona's, both of them slightest bit breathless. "I can't…I'm-I'm sorry," she whispered the words against Arizona's lips. "I'm sorry."

And Arizona knew she was apologizing for far more than her lack of words.

"I'm sorry too," Arizona whispered, once again pulling Callie as close as her body would allow. "I still have to go to Malawi."

Against her shoulder, Callie nodded. "When you come back I will spend every day reminding you of what it is you're fighting for."

"I love you too."

She felt Callie hold her tighter.

They fell into a silence, though this one far more serene than any in days and Arizona felt a small sense of peace beginning to form in her chest.

They stood, simply supporting one another. For how long, Arizona could not say. But, she knew, she did not care.

Between them, the baby kicked.

_Fin_


End file.
